Hear The Sound....

divine_cynicism

so add me
saying that made me feel like I was on myspace and it scared me,
nevertheless

-gibson

today I almost died in the bus depot, again. So I swore to myself that the next person who stepped in front of me would get my steel toed boot in their shin, but I'm nice so I just elbowed a bunch of stupid fucking people out of my way. I'm tired of that fucking compound. And the bus before that I feel like I'm shoved into a cattle car it's so full.
and I am tired of hiding my distaste for some certain people that I no longer talk to. If they want to know how I am they can ask me to my face, if they want to be anywhere near me again without anger overtaking every emotion in me then they are just out of luck, because I'm not fucking forgiving them. I'm tired of getting screwed over and I'm tired of just taking it. If I could I would... but I can't so it doesn't really matter.
I love this song a lot. I think I'll go buy the cd someday.
What happened to me? Last year I liked just about everyone and now I have really heavy grudges against like 3 people for something that happened a while back. I know grudges shouldn't really be held, it's bad for health lalalalalala, whatever. fuck, I just need to have something left. They tore me to shreds and I can't just take that shit anymore.
on to my IB oral
-gibson

I get on the internet and waste my life.
I really should be reading ovid. I'm going to feel guilty until I do it. fuck
soooooooooo
I'm tired again. not really that important. I thought sleeping all day tuesday would help me out but it's gone away already.
actually it's probably b/c I've been so freaking bipolar today
but I've been in a pretty good mood since tuesday. I feel a lot better. My mom and dad probably won't get a divorce (and they were threatening) my mom has happy pills she won't take but they've scared her into being nice, I'm listening to a band most of the people I know hate, yet I love
yeah, life's pretty decent.
I have to admit, I think I'm gonna miss ovid a bit.
-gibson

so I've been up since 4:45 am. Kameryn drug me out to the mall with her but first she called my house phone at 4:45 in the morning . I have a cell phone (not that I like it but still) and she chose to call the house phone. but anyway I actually had a good time and got most of my christmas shopping done. Plus I reached a new degree of lameness by being the second person in Hot Topic, now who the hell can beat that one besides Kameryn who was the first one in there... lol

I expected yesterday to be a complete wreck and for a while it was. My grandfather asked me if I had cooked anything and I told him that no, I don't cook. He asked me what I was going to do when I had a husband and had to cook for him. I almost blew a fucking gasket, how fucking subserviant am I supposed to be? fuck that. But then he told me stories about when he was in Europe when he was in the navy and I've never actually heard him talk that much ever. That was pretty cool. Then I found my aunts trampoline. I swear to god I haven't had that much fun since summer and maybe before. When I get famous there are going to be two things in my yard, a swing set and a trampoline. They are the best things ever. Then I got home and worked on my IB English oral for a while and I feel like I'm doing pretty well on it. I need to work on it a lot more but at least I got some done.
I've decided that I like 5 day weekends :)

I got kicked out of my house yesterday by my mom, god that was a horrible sentence...
ANYWAY, so I walked around in the freezing cold for about two hours and when I couldn't feel any part of my body anymore I went to Kameryns house until it got dark and then my mom made me come back home. And then she screamed at me for another hour telling me how shitty I was and how self absorbed and stuck up and snobby.
fuck family.
I'm having some serious trust issues right now and I'm really anti-social. I'm just tired of talking. I almost wish I'd never learned.
Tomorrow is the coveted "family day" where I go and pretend I fit in with my dads side of the family. they all play sports and hate reading and writing and they love republicans, therefore they think the world is ending because the democrats have control of the house and senate.
they will never realize how wrong they are, all politicans suck and yes, the world will end because of them but not because any particular branch of them. God they're gonna hate me when I register democrat in 2 years. I wouldn't be surprised if they just refused to talk to me again.
score, that's my motivation.
well, yeah
ttyl
-gibson

so is it a bad time to tell you that I don't know what I'm doing?
oh, ok
I don't have any clue what I'm doing

thought of the IB English oral is eating my soul. God I have 54 fucking emails... thats what I get for forgetting the internet existed for a couple days.
I think I hate people again, but not passionately, just sort of. It's a general dislike.
I say that a lot, fuck I need something else to talk about.
OH here's one
so my mom is going crazy on me and told me I should leave, again. This makes 3 times in one week.
score, I win. And then when she came to get me from work she was all happy like she hadn't just bitten my head off and handed it to me a few hours prior.
I'm tired of all of the problems in everyones lives, including mine. I wish they'd all go away.
what I really hate is getting home from work at 9:30 and not getting home till 10, because everybodys asleep by then. Figures, the one day I actually WANT to use the phone I can't.
alright, so I'm off to do wonderous history homework.
ttyl
-gibson

so, since I last updated I have been put on suicide watch, whohoo. not.
this adds fuel to my general disliking of people, b/c the person who said something doesn't even really know me. It's not right to make blind assumptions about people.
I'm trying to get a book ahead in Ovid, it may work out if I get off of the internet soon.
Today I cleaned, I should have had fun but I didn't really except for hanging out with Kameryn and talking about stupid stuff.
I'm gonna go translate my french script now and then read ovid some more. then I have to start thinking about my ib oral, it's a month from yesterday.
AHHHHHHHH
-gibson

whoever gave me email is an idiot. It is my enemy sometimes

My dad's friend BL died today, he helped us so much last year when dad was sick and out of work. I feel like dirt a little

also, whoever gives me coffee is an idiot. I had coffee about 2 hours ago and now I'm really depressed, because I guess caffiene fucks up the chemicals in my body. I always get super depressed after I drink coffee. If only it didn't taste so damn good...

I'm too sad, I mean MCR is on SNL in an hour and a half, I get the cd on monday, I got season 5 of that 70's show yesterday and I just spent the last half of the day trying on prom dresses and ugly clothing (it's pretty funny actually) and this is all good stuff.

But then there's the bad stuff. The school stuff, the not-really-knowing-how-I-feel-about-anything stuff, the my mom telling me that I'm actually a little chemically imbalanced and she just never told me stuff, the BL dying part, my mom dieting and therefor taking out all of her anger on us, my mom finding out that theres a good chance that she's diabetic.
and then....
theres the homework. Ovid book 5: not even looked at Personal Essay: I've tried to look at
Math: once again, I tried
French: I've got it mostly done in english...
My aunt donna is coming this friday. not sure how I feel about that
My mom wants to have a house party which is a bad idea seeing as how that means she'll want the house spotless, which means she'll be a bitch until it gets done.
I DON'T HAVE FUCKING TIME FOR THIS, I'VE GOTTA DO HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!!
Verdict on this year thus far: it sucks.
-gibson

I am cold. My fingers may be turning blue, with red b/c I touched the fucking powder on the latex gloves again at work. I hate being allergic to that stuff.
I didn't see any kittens die tonight so that's good. Yesterday really disturbed me because there was this like bug infested orange kitten that they put to sleep and I felt so bad for it. I wanted to de-infest it and take it home with me. but noooooo, they killed it.
They kill everything.
AHHHH, no they don't.
I just lied.
The highlight of my current life is coming up in 4 days. MCR's new cd
A second highlight is coming up in just 2 days. They are going to be on SNL.
And this is how much I love them, I cannot express.
Mitch Clem is the coolest person in existance. Hands down.
except if his character Fletcher came to life, then he would overtake Mitch's coolness, unless they were the same amount.
It'd be pretty hard to chose.
I think I've had a bit too much chocolate b/c this day has blown and suddenly I feel very hyper.
good, now on to math homework
-gibson

I feel sort of uggghhhhh right now. Because I've still got about 30 pages to do in book 4 and I have to work tomorrow. I'm hoping that I won't get too sucked into the computer and I'll be able to do it tonight. I also have math, history, and french. Plus the PSAT is tomorrow, not looking foward to failing that...
I hate people sometimes, a whole lot. there are only like 2 though, and then 1 that just sort of all around makes me mad but I don't have an outright hatred just yet.
and then there are nice people...
well, I'm off to devote the rest of my waking hours to homework